All the cool blog names were taken, so my cats, Cooler and Fizler, lent their names. This blog is about our third or fourth mega-trip that Will and I have taken to Vermont every September since the year before Hurricane Katrina.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Passing...

Today Michelle Duggar announced, on the Today Show, that she was pregnant with their 20th child. Never mind what happened with their last one (preeclampsia led to Josie's birth at 25 weeks, barely viable). Never mind her baby-bearing equipment is nearing the end of its natural life. Never mind the high risk of chromosomal abnormalities in babies born to mothers over 40 and she's 45.

It's just crazy to bear 20 kids.

The Duggars are "neighbors" of mine. They live in the next town over. I have seen them on occasion. I was behind Michelle in her van at the Wendy's drive-thru once. I was behind Josh, Anna and one of the bigger Duggar boys, driving Josh's Hummer, in the drive-thru at the Tontitown McDonald's just a few months ago. They've been in the same Wal-Mart* as me; they were doing a book signing.

Michelle allows herself to be dominated, subjugated and subsumed by pregnancy, birth and nursing because of a couple little verses in the Bible, something about arrows and quivers, and spilled seed. Although the Duggars claim to not be a part of any "movement", they are the very definition of Quiverfull, so I find it odd that they deny any relation.

There are some pretty nasty critics of the Duggars. Some of the arguments are about over-population, how the older kids are basically the parents of the younger kids, and how they put a happy face on what is basically a woman participating in her own oppression. The girls in the family are also not allowed to go to college, nor date, nor work outside the home, so they're oppressing their daughters, too.

One thing I can't really fault the Duggars for is their thorough indoctrination in Southern Christian Culture, which they showcase on TV every week. If you live in the South for any length of time, you will encounter it and become enculturated in its vagaries, and you will not be able to escape it. Even if you're not a Christian, it is just the way it is done here. It will become a part of you. After 40 years in the South, it has become a part of me.

Some of the tenets of SCC are downright dangerous. Like always respect your elders, no matter what. One time when I was 11, I was hanging out at the little store in my tiny town. A man came up to the store, and he started talking--flirting--with me. I didn't like his vibe, at all. At one point he grabbed me and tickled me, and I struggled away. It was a public place, so he left me alone. Later, I was playing softball on the team my Aunt Linda organized, and the place we had to play was next to this man's house. He had a couple of daughters my age, so he was out there on the field with us. The vibe was strong with this one. I briefly became friends with his daughters at school, and I almost spent the night with them once. I shudder to think what might have happened if he had tried to get me alone. I can still remember how I felt when he grabbed me and tickled me, right out in public. It has been 39 years. Would the SCC tenet to respect your elders have overruled my natural instincts? I don't know. I'd like to think not, especially since at that time I had only been a part of the SCC for a little while. No doubt it does for some.

SCC also fosters sneakiness and dishonesty in relationships. I didn't know my grandmother as well as my cousins did when I first moved to Arkansas with my family. I was 11. On those long hot Arkansas Saturdays, when my dad and his brother were home from work, and working around the house, there seemed to be nothing to them having a nice cold beer out in the shed. It was a total shock to me, having lived my life thus far in Illinois, when my grandmother comes walking up and I hear my dad say, "Here comes Maw! Hide your beer!" They also put out their cigarettes and threw them away. When I was 11, my dad was 39.

So here I am, living still in the South, smacking right up against Southern Christian Culture in a way that is very painful for me.
When we purposed to move to a small town with an evangelical Christian college in its midst, I had confidence that I would be able to seek and find my "tribe" here. Seven years later, and I'm still looking. Most of my tribe lives in other states. I wouldn't even know that without the internet. I don't know how long I can take this. Especially now that my youngest child is 18 and will soon fly the nest, I don't have the distraction of being the mom at home.

I guess that won't be an issue for Michelle Duggar. By the time her last one is 18 (if she stops now), she'll already be 63.

My life isn't looking so bad after all.

*No comments about my shopping and eating habits, please!

1 comment:

Sue said...

I completely know what you're talking about with the SCC...we lived in Wichita Falls and it is alive and well there. And, I did pack up my kids and move them out of there. A lot of things lined up in my universe to do that...it made it clear it was the right move for me. You'll know if you need to move.

Blog On!! :)